Showing posts with label Haircut. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Haircut. Show all posts

Thursday, 11 October 2012

Shit Lids: The 30 Worst Haircuts in Football History (Numbers 10-1)

When you turn on the TV these days to watch a Liverpool game, one thing really stands out. Not their incompetent defending, but Fabio Borini’s hair.

So, in homage to the Italian, we’ve put together our list of the worst haircuts in footballing history. A well trodden path of course, but one which will give you much mirth and merriment we hope...

10) Javier Pinola

Pic Courtesy of Kicker.de
Javier is firmly from the school of ‘not letting go’, where previous alumni include Sir Bobby Charlton, Wayne Rooney and Attilio Lombardo (more on that later). These students are taking a degree in ‘going bald but will do absolutely anything to make it appear as if they have loads of hair’ studies.

As you can see, Pinola is an A* student.


9) Andy Carroll






No further explanation required m‘lud.







8) Rodrigo Palacio

Pic Courtesy of the Daily Mail
Whether or not Rodrigo Palacio has a natural affinity with vermin, this ‘rats tail’ really is a spectacular no-no. 

It does, however, earn our Bravery award. Would YOU don this look in your local Wetherspoons on a Friday night?



 7) Taribo West

Pic Courtesy of Nigeria Watch
  
Sometimes in life, there are no words to explain a particular something. Exhibit A – Taribo West’s ‘Green Shoelace’ haircut. 

Whilst the Nigerian earns a few bonus points for patriotism, he instantly loses them again for resembling a member of mid-90s girl band Cleopatra.




6) Rudi Voller
Pic courtesy of Football Rascal

Affectionately known as ‘the Poodle’ during his playing days, Voller teamed his mullet with a bushy moustache to complete that look that the Germans do so well.

Apparently, Voller’s spat with Frank Rijkaard in the 1990 World Cup was sparked by the Dutchman’s accusation that Rudi’s hair was “sun damaged”.




5) Gervinho

What in Christ’s name is that, you’re probably thinking. It is the sheer width, height and depth of his forehead that sets Gervinho apart. 

His hair acts like a beaded curtain – parted to enable us to see into his cosmic vortex. 




4) Chris Waddle

Ah yes, the 1980s. Not a decade known for its sartorial elegance and hirsute artistry....
Pic Courtesy of Football Fancast

And then Chris Waddle happened. Not content with being one half of the UK’s finest pop music act (see here), Waddles also turned out for Newcastle, Spurs, Sheffield Wednesday and Marseille.

Most famously, he ballooned a penalty over the bar in England’s World Cup ’90 Semi Final defeat against Germany, something that he possibly might have blamed on having hair like a Texan trucker. 



3) Bobby Charlton

Sir Bobby Charlton is a World Cup winner and Manchester United legend. What is less than legendary, however, is the ‘haircut’ he sported during those heady days.

Bob is the innovator behind the now world famous ‘comb over’, as I’m sure you’re all aware. What is often forgotten mind is that he sported it whilst only in his early 30’s. So if you are approaching this landmark age, think fast...


2) Carlos Valderrama

Pic Courtesy of Ball 72
This is vintage stuff. Valderrama’s ‘Golden Perm’ has become something of a legend, and finally gave Colombia an export to be proud of, apart from some chap named ‘Charlie’.

With his olive tan and nose-mouse moustache, Carlos had hit on a winning combination – stealing both housewives’ hearts and the respect of geezers across the globe.



1) Roberto Baggio


Whilst his football was world class, Baggio’s haircut was anything but. The Italian was an early adopter of the ‘business at the front, party at the back’ mantra, which would also reflect neatly on his off-the-field activities.

Caution: ponytails only belong on girls and horses.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

Shit Lids: The 30 Worst Haircuts in Football History (Numbers 20-11)



When you turn on the TV these days to watch a Liverpool game, one thing really stands out. Not their incompetent defending, but Fabio Borini’s hair. 

So, in homage to the Italian, we’ve put together our list of the worst haircuts in footballing history. A well trodden path of course, but one which will give you much mirth and merriment we hope...

Pic Courtesy of UEFA.com
20) Mario Balotelli

It seems that young Mario is a renegade in most areas of his life, if his bathroom firework displays are anything to go by. And his hair is no exception. 

Taking his inspiration from Stripe, the leader of the Gremlins in the film of the same name, Balotelli could quite possibly be the Last of the Mohicans if this do is anything to go by.


19) Romania 1998

In big international tournaments, farming a strong team spirit is key to success. Whilst many teams would opt for a night on the tiles or a spot of paintballing, in Eastern Europe they do things differently.

Pic Courtesy of the BBC
Romania’s 1998 World Cup squad – in an example of their togetherness - all bleached their hair for the tournament. And it kind of worked: they topped their group (beating England in the process), but lost to Croatia in the last 16. 

To make matters worse, one of the players was mistaken for Annie Lennox at the airport on the way home.


18) Kevin Keegan v Paul Breitner
Pic Courtesy of Numaraiki

This is the only England v Germany battle you need to worry about. Forget the two world wars and the epic 1966 World Cup final, this is all that rolled into one. A perm off...

The result? A rare win for Germany, as Breitner’s curls were just that bit tighter than Keegan’s.


17) Tony Daley

Pic Courtesy of EPLinform


With his hair reminiscent of a carton of cress, Aston Villa manager Ron Atkinson was unsure whether Daley was a tricky winger or a greengrocer. 

Turns out he was the former...







16) Fabrizio Ravanelli

Ravanelli was grey and proud by the time he was 21-years-old. 

There’s nothing wrong with that of course, but for a bloke who was – at one time - the highest earning player in the Premier League when he signed for Middlesbrough, a few bottles of Just for Men are hardly out of the question.



15) Attilio Lombardo

 
Christened the ‘Bald Eagle’ by observant fans, Lombardo is another example of the sands of time being just as hard on professional footballers as on mere mortals like ourselves.

Unbelievable to think he’s just 17 in this photo though...


Pic Courtesy of Daily Dose of Lies

14) David Beckham

We almost made a whole category of Beckham shit lids to choose from – who can remember the cornrows, or the ponytail for example? 

His acts of hair terrorism are too numerous to mention.




13) Stefan Malz

Pic Courtesy of Kicker.de

When you’re more widely known for your terrible haircut than your footballing ability, you know times are hard. 

Stefan Malz was a midfielder who had a brief spell at Arsenal from 1999-2001, but the only thing he achieved whilst there was to sport a girl’s haircut with so much conviction that only a German could muster. 






12) David Seaman

Regardless of his achievements or his misgivings as a goalkeeper for Arsenal and England, Seaman will always be remembered for a) rocking a ponytail and moustache combination, and b) having a surname that also meant male reproductive fluid.

He did eventually have the pony put down for charity though, and banish the ‘Greek Carpet Salesman’ image that had followed him around for so long.


11) David Luiz

Last season, David Luiz’s crazy hair matched his crazy performance. This year, he’s reined in his forward gallops and shin shredding tackles on the pitch. Alas, his hair remains untamed. God bless you David.